Coping with Grief During the Holidays
By Michelle Button, LCSW-R, PMH-C
The holiday season is often portrayed as a joyful time filled with family, friends, and celebration. But for those experiencing grief, this season can feel especially challenging and isolating. Whether you’re mourning the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or another significant aspect of your life, grief can feel intensified when everything around you seems to focus on togetherness and joy.
Grief during the holidays is a unique experience, and it’s okay to have complex emotions during this time. This blog is here to offer some compassionate guidance for navigating the holiday season with care and gentleness.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step in coping with grief is to acknowledge and honor your feelings. Emotions like sadness, anger, loneliness, and even guilt may arise during the holidays, and it’s essential to accept them without judgment.
Allow Yourself to Feel: Let yourself experience your emotions without trying to suppress or change them. Grief is a natural response to loss, and these feelings are valid.
Make Space for Reflection: Set aside quiet moments to reflect on your loved one or your loss. This can help create an intentional space for your grief, rather than having it overshadow everything else.
2. Adjust Your Expectations
During this season, it’s easy to feel pressured to participate in holiday traditions or live up to certain expectations. Remember that it’s okay to approach the holidays differently this year.
Give Yourself Permission to Opt Out: It’s okay to skip events or activities that feel overwhelming. Allow yourself the freedom to say no to things that might add to your emotional strain.
Create New Traditions: If participating in old traditions feels too painful, consider starting new ones. This could be as simple as lighting a candle in memory of your loved one or spending the day in a way that feels healing for you.
3. Seek Support from Others
Grieving during the holidays can feel incredibly lonely, but remember, you don’t have to face it alone. Lean on those who understand your experience, whether that’s close friends, family members, or support groups.
Reach Out to Loved Ones: Don’t hesitate to let people know if you need their support. Share your feelings with those who can provide comfort, and let them know how they can help you.
Join a Support Group: Many people find solace in connecting with others who are also grieving. Look for grief support groups, either in person or online, where you can share your experiences and find understanding.
4. Set Boundaries Around Social Gatherings
Social gatherings can be especially triggering when you’re grieving. Setting boundaries around holiday events can help you manage your emotions and avoid unnecessary stress.
Have an Exit Plan: If you’re attending a holiday event, make arrangements so that you can leave if you need to. Knowing you have the option to step away can alleviate pressure.
Communicate Your Needs: Let others know what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not. Whether it’s asking for some quiet time or choosing not to discuss certain topics, it’s okay to be clear about your needs.
5. Honor Your Loved One or Loss in Meaningful Ways
Finding ways to honor your loved one can help you feel connected to them, even in their absence. Doing so may also bring a sense of comfort or peace during this difficult time.
Create a Tribute: This could be as simple as setting a place at the table for them, writing them a letter, or creating an ornament in their memory.
Do Something They Enjoyed: Engaging in an activity they loved, or one that reminds you of them, can be a beautiful way to feel their presence during the holidays.
6. Take Care of Yourself Physically and Emotionally
Self-care can be especially valuable when you’re grieving. Focusing on your physical health can help support your emotional well-being, and it’s a way to nurture yourself when you may feel vulnerable.
Practice Mindful Breathing or Meditation: Mindfulness exercises can help ground you and offer a sense of calm. Even a few minutes each day can make a difference.
Stay Active: Physical activity, even a short walk, can improve your mood and help release some of the stress that grief may bring.
Rest and Recharge: Grief is exhausting. Make rest a priority and allow yourself to take breaks without guilt.
7. Find Meaning and Hope
Grieving during the holidays can be incredibly difficult, but it can also be a time for reflection and growth. While you may never “get over” your loss, you can find ways to integrate it into your life and continue moving forward.
Reflect on What Matters Most: Spend time thinking about what is most meaningful to you during the holidays. Focusing on values like connection, compassion, or gratitude can help you find comfort.
Seek Joy in Small Moments: You don’t need to feel happy all the time, but try to notice small moments of joy when they arise. Whether it’s a warm cup of tea, a walk in nature, or a heartfelt conversation, savoring these moments can bring solace.
8. Allow Yourself to Grieve in Your Own Way
Remember that grief is a unique experience, and there’s no “right” way to grieve. Your journey is yours alone, and it’s okay to feel differently from one day to the next.
Release the Pressure to ‘Move On’: Grief doesn’t have an expiration date, and it’s okay if you don’t feel “over it” by a certain time. Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace, without comparing your experience to others.
Accept the Waves of Grief: Grief often comes in waves, and these can be especially intense during the holidays. Allow these waves to come and go, and know that they are a natural part of the healing process.
The holidays can be a time of both love and sorrow, especially when you’re carrying the weight of grief. Remember, it’s okay to feel what you feel, to set boundaries, and to honor your emotions in a way that feels right for you. Seeking support, taking care of yourself, and allowing your grief to be part of the holiday season in a way that feels authentic can make this time of year a little easier to navigate.
Above all, be gentle with yourself. You’re allowed to find moments of peace, hope, and even joy alongside your grief. In honoring both your loss and yourself, you can create space for healing, even in the midst of a challenging season.
Therapy can provide a great support if you are struggling with grief. Our clinicians have specialized training in grief and loss and are here to support you! Reach out to us now to see if this could be the right path for you. We are here to answer any questions you may have and help you find the right support for your needs.