Therapist Spotlight: Kristen Ottaka, LMHC
Kristen is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) and therapist at Passages. Michelle Button, Passages Director, sat down with Kristen to talk about what led her to this profession and her unique therapy approach with her clients.
What made you want to become a therapist?
During an orientation with the psychology program during my undergraduate experience, all of the professors took turns talking about what made them want to pursue the field. One professor in particular, Dr. Rae Fallon shared that she was inspired by Anne Sullivan, and wanted to “bring people to the water” as Sullivan did with Helen Keller. I went on to learn from her and several other professors about the ways in which they were able to help individuals and communities in need, and it resonated with me.
On a less serious note, when people ask me today “how do you do it?” or “why did you pick this job?” when I’m speaking about my work, I usually answer with an equally true statement: this job never gets boring!
What do you enjoy most about being a therapist?
There is nothing more gratifying than seeing someone challenge themselves to face their fears. Being a therapist means that you are given a front row seat multiple times per day to see the indomitable human spirit. Watching resiliency in action is a reminder of how capable we all are of overcoming hardships.
How would you describe what a session is like with you?
I believe in putting my clients into the “driver’s seat” as much as possible during the session. I love when a client comes in prepared to set the agenda for the day or is eager to follow up on where the previous session ended. I do everything in my power to stay away from coming across as a robotic, stereotypical “and how does that make you feel?” therapist (though sometimes that question is very necessary). I will always hold space for painful and emotional conversations, and I find it is equally helpful to hold space for moments of levity and laughter.
What is one of your specialities that you really enjoy working with and why?
I find it very rewarding to work with clients who struggle in their interpersonal relationships. This includes survivors of abusive relationships, people who might describe themselves as “codependents” or “people-pleasers,” or anything along the lines of unhealthy interpersonal dynamics. I find that these clients are often highly empathetic individuals, and it is so gratifying to help someone recognize that they deserve to give themselves the same love and effort that they are constantly outputting. I believe that many of our “weaknesses” are strengths that simply have no appropriate boundaries attached to them – and I find this is especially true for individuals struggling with their interpersonal relationships. Helping clients to find their voice, see their inherent value, and feel confident in setting boundaries is very fulfilling to me.
What led you to working at Passages?
My interest in becoming a therapist is very entwined with my interest in helping other women. In my prior roles I have worked to create options for care specific to women’s issues, and so when I came across Passages I was thrilled to see a practice that was built around this. In meeting the clinical team, it became obvious that the clinicians at Passages are all drawn here for similar reasons – and it is deeply rewarding to be in such a supportive environment that understands the particular challenges and needs of women.
What is one thing you find yourself frequently saying in sessions to clients?
So many clients give voice to their desire to “control their emotions.” Yet in order for any of us to get to a place of being able to effectively regulate our emotions, we must first and foremost give ourselves permission to feel all of our emotions. There are no “bad” emotions, though some emotions are more comfortable than others to feel.
Is there a favorite book, app or other resource you recommend to clients and why?
I am a big fan of the book “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van Der Kolk." I think this book is very approachable for a casual reader, and I appreciate that it offers a message of hope and healing for survivors of trauma. However, I also think for many of our clients who are balancing so many life responsibilities, it is often more doable to recommend key episodes of podcasts or short videos. I recommend the “We Can Do Hard Things” podcast by Glenn Doyle, as a way to get wonderful introductory material from many professionals across a variety of specialties, and I frequently suggest that clients review Brené Brown’s TedTalk on shame and vulnerability as these are often major themes in counseling.
What do you enjoy doing outside of work? What do you do to de-stress?
Baking is my biggest form of self-care. The science of it allows me to take a lot of thought out of the process, and I find making something delicious that can be shared with others to be very satisfying. I love an opportunity to buy themed sprinkles!
Is there a fun fact you would like to share that people might be surprised by?
The possum is the only North American marsupial! Just kidding. (But that’s a true fun fact.) I once drove from New York to New Orleans without any stopovers. I recommend seeing the city of New Orleans, but I recommend not allowing yourself to go 24+ hours without sleep even more!
Is there a dream training you would like to take or an area you would be interested in learning more about clinically?
While I do not ever see myself being a “purist” of any one therapeutic orientation, I find the tenets of dialectical behavioral therapy to be relevant to a variety of client concerns and needs. I would love to continue to learn more about implementing DBT strategies with clients facing a variety of life challenges. I also think that as our society changes and allows for the definition of “trauma” to become expanded to encompass a variety of experiences, it is crucial that we as therapists continue to advance our own understanding of trauma and recovery.
What would you say to someone who is thinking about starting therapy but on the fence?
Oftentimes in sessions, clients will share about their reluctance to start counseling or to try other means of mental health services. They will frequently discuss how their experience was “bad, but not horrible,” or “not terrible all of the time,” or will say things like “if it gets much worse, then maybe…” To this, I say: how much suffering is enough suffering? We do not need to be living our absolute worst case scenario to decide that we want something to change.
If you are interested in taking the first step towards starting therapy, click on the link below to schedule a consultation with Kristen! She works in both our Setauket and Sayville locations, and offers virtual sessions for anyone in New York State.